Tuesday, December 19, 2006

RE: Lonliness

In response to Jasons post about "Loneliness"

I agree with Bryan (Comment found here)...

Lately, inspired in part by John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted, I am trying to retrain myself to "train" instead of "try." By this, I mean that I am using each experience, in the context of your post, each connection, to better my understanding of the thing, and how to improve it for the future. Case in point: I had a hard time for a long time seeing girls here in Seattle as anything other than potential girlfriends. Definite barrier to a legitimate connection as the reality was that as long as I maintained that thought process, I would never get to know any of them well enough to date them. So I trained myself to literally see them as "sisters" in Christ. That is looking at them through the same eyes that I see Amanda. There was a dramatic change in my "connection" with them, resulting in me being much more empathetic to girls in general and not saddling them with all of my problems and preconceptions. This let me really get to know them, though I am still a bit slow on letting them get to know me. Ironically now I am faced with the challenge of contextualizing my relationships as the knowledge that I have and relationship that I have formed with two of them have really exceeded what is probably appropriate for a guy-girl non-dating connection.

Back to your issue at hand. I would say that a lot of the problems with people connecting are built on what Bryan said. There is an existing preconception of what a connection/friendship/relationship is supposed to look like in completion, when in fact; there is no completion, but rather a continuum of experiences. When people fail to see the continuum and don't aquire their preconception, they assume failure and cease to try, resulting in stagnation and a feeling of a lack of connection.

I think this continuum ties in tightly with my ideas on love, but more on that later.

I would also play around with the idea of the different types of connection. Emotional, rational, spiritual, etc. I think that our interpersonal connections may reflect the balance and proclivities of our souls in that respect and the best connections are on all levels, but I have said enough on this for this arena and Jason deserves a chance to respond.