Back to the blog'o'sphere...

Hello world, its been a while...

I feel like I need to come back here and begin to share what is going on because of sunday's sermon. I need to embrace my community and push for intimacy and transparency. But as I was wondering what I should write about, I am totally at a loss. Sure I could write about something intellectual and highbrow, something funny and full of wit, or some keen observation about my experiences over the last bit of time.

The fact of the matter is that I am much more preoccupied with how I feel at the moment. So lonely, empty and cold. Half of me wants to curl up and never see the world again and the other half wants to call some girl I know to be fast and easy (the fact that I don't really know any, but yet have a depraved side that would know exactly where to go online and what to say to talking to them), trying to get into her pants, in a desperate attempt to feel truely connected to somone. The reality is, I would fail at either and am instead left in a semi-detatched limbo. I have spent so much time pouring out of myself (emphasis on the "self"), attempting to be there for people, do my job, and generally hold my life togather. I just don't have it in me and it hasn't really been God working through me, but me working under my own strength. So I drain myself for other people and develop a talent to remain visibly calm on the surface of a problem which sets me up to completely crash in private. I can sink back into myself and my single apartment, my computer games, internet and the psuedo-anonynimity they offer.