Semester is over. I don't yet know if this is a good thing. I passed all my classes. I still have to finish my Torrey Paper for one last revision. Its due at 5:00 pm today. We get kicked out of the dorms at 10 pm. I will be headed home at 5:00 am tomorrow.
Chest infections suck! I am coughing up all kinds of good stuff, the worst part is that I know what is going on medically (Its happened often enough) and can do nothing medicine-wise for it 'cept for the OTC meds I am on now.
What is it about this time of year? I am just so lonely for someone to think that I am special. Everyone else has a special someone in one form or another. Caleb has Danielle; it's going to be interesting to hear about him with out her. She is so good for him. Anyways back to where I was. It is this realy indecypherable paradox. Everyones like "Your a smart, talented, caring guy. Well trained in the domesticated arts. You cook, clean, you can even sew if you have too. Your enterprising and going some where." They say all these things... But yet somehow all my interpersonal relationships seem really one sided. It seems like me trying to be nice and caring to others. I take time for their needs, don't get me wrong I enjoy helping people, I enjoy it alot, but I don't see other doing the same and I wish I did. I don't know. Maybe I need to step out of myself. Maybe I am being too selfish. Who knows....
That does seem to be the bad thing about Biola though... There are so many attractive girls who are great. Christians... Really souled out Christian Ladies who want to change the world for Christ. But the last few I have talked to have all seemed to change. "Thing 1" as Timothy, Jason and I refer to her as, was amazing to talk to early on in the semester. I talked to her during the first part of this week and it seemed that she had changed drastically... Not necessarily for the better. There was a demeanor that almost scared me. Made me think though... If we had decided to date, would that change have happened? That would have been bad for a relationship. "Thing 2" seems to have moved on as well. Dispite her words about not wanting to be involved with anyone she seems to be spending a great deal of time with Jon. I understand that feelings change and she may have found something there that we didn't have. But its just like her actions don't seem to match her words that she told me... I have been trying to keep my distance from her as not to complicate the situation. But when we talked the one time after deciding that we didn't want to date, it was hard because I felt like I was doing the input. I was being the caring emotional part. Thats not the way its supposed to work. I'm the guy for crying out loud! I am supposed to be the emotionally retarded jerk, not the one who is doing most of the "checking up on the relationship" stuff. I don't want to play into the steriotype, but if me being sensitive causes her not to be, then what?
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4 comments:
"Semester is over."
-*sigh of relief* Amen to that.
"Everyone else has a special someone in one form or another."
-I don't! Yea for...um...aloneness?
"If we had decided to date, would that change have happened? That would have been bad for a relationship."
-God is good, Amen?
Hmmm...kinda looks like there's not much we can do with Thing 1 and Thing 2; at least for now. I would say, continue to be sensitive and caring, but don't expect it back. With her and anyone/everyone. It may be returned, but that's not the point. That's what love is after all. Enjoy your time with your friends (of both genders) and, to quote an annoying song, "what will be, will be." And never forget that you have friends that can relate, and (more importantly) help you out with the stuff that adds to your stress.
"That does seem to be the bad thing about Biola though... There are so many attractive girls who are great. Christians... Really souled out Christian Ladies who want to change the world for Christ...(and etc.)."
It is a shame that those girls are changing like that--it isn't cool--, but I definitely think it's right that you are keeping your distance as to not complicate things anymore than they already are. I totally agree that you, being the guy, should be the initiator, but still remain sensitive at the same time (don't be the "emotionally retarded jerk", b/c that turns girls off very quickly). I want to encourage you that girls are in the same boat you are--seeing all of the couples around and wanting that. Don't give up... someday you will meet that special someone and everyone will be envying you--wanting the kind of relationship you have with her. Remember that Jesus is the only one who can complete you in the way you desire and NEED. Run to him with this. Also, in the girl arena, I want to warn you that though you may feel that some girls are now brushing you off, they may just be afraid of that kind of relationship and are reacting in the only way they know how. Have patience.
--a dear sister in Christ--
Thats a bit weird. I don't know anyone named Anonymous. Ah well.
Just for clarification I was being rather sarcastic about the guys being emotional jerks part.
"Just for clarification I was being rather sarcastic about the guys being emotional jerks part."
Of course you were. :)
--a dear sister in Christ--
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