RE: Lonliness

In response to Jasons post about "Loneliness"

I agree with Bryan (Comment found here)...

Lately, inspired in part by John Ortberg's The Life You've Always Wanted, I am trying to retrain myself to "train" instead of "try." By this, I mean that I am using each experience, in the context of your post, each connection, to better my understanding of the thing, and how to improve it for the future. Case in point: I had a hard time for a long time seeing girls here in Seattle as anything other than potential girlfriends. Definite barrier to a legitimate connection as the reality was that as long as I maintained that thought process, I would never get to know any of them well enough to date them. So I trained myself to literally see them as "sisters" in Christ. That is looking at them through the same eyes that I see Amanda. There was a dramatic change in my "connection" with them, resulting in me being much more empathetic to girls in general and not saddling them with all of my problems and preconceptions. This let me really get to know them, though I am still a bit slow on letting them get to know me. Ironically now I am faced with the challenge of contextualizing my relationships as the knowledge that I have and relationship that I have formed with two of them have really exceeded what is probably appropriate for a guy-girl non-dating connection.

Back to your issue at hand. I would say that a lot of the problems with people connecting are built on what Bryan said. There is an existing preconception of what a connection/friendship/relationship is supposed to look like in completion, when in fact; there is no completion, but rather a continuum of experiences. When people fail to see the continuum and don't aquire their preconception, they assume failure and cease to try, resulting in stagnation and a feeling of a lack of connection.

I think this continuum ties in tightly with my ideas on love, but more on that later.

I would also play around with the idea of the different types of connection. Emotional, rational, spiritual, etc. I think that our interpersonal connections may reflect the balance and proclivities of our souls in that respect and the best connections are on all levels, but I have said enough on this for this arena and Jason deserves a chance to respond.

Commenting On Sex Drive Daily

This is what happens when your RSS feeds pick up random things... but as I am in the middle of reading "Pornified" by Pamela Paul, this was a good warm up on the subject that I think I will get more involved in.

Regina Lynn of Sex Drive Daily, one of the Wired Blogs wrote about the effect of the publicity of one of her posts. Apparently, it caused a backlash that lead Wapfly, a mobile media content provider to strongly curb the content of BowChicaMobile an adult affiliate of the media provision company.

Read about it here. While her article definetly had overtones suggesting that this was censorship, the comment section proceeded to run rampant. Take a look, as it got fun fast!

So true!

"There are two types of people--those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.'"
- Frederick L Collins

I said I would edit this with my thoughts so here goes...

I was trying to figure out which type of person I am and which person I want to be. This lead me to question which is actually better and I came to the conclusion that while the speaker implies the later to be the superior attitude, either can be appropriate. On self-reflection, I am definitely an observer who would comment about others first in most situations, even though my own interior monologue at the moment would be saying the opposite. It is almost completely a question of unpretentious self-assessment. For example, a performer unsure of their skill, suddenly pushed on stage, may utter under their breath, "Well, here I am!" and go on with the show, where as a parent who has spent the last half-hour searching Costco for their lost child, has been hear grumbling "Ah, there you are." Similarly, as God walked through the Garden of Eden after the fall of Man, He seemingly remarked "Ah, there you are." while due to their nakedness, Adam and Eve were very reluctant to voice the other sentiment. However, in order to receive restoration from that fall, there is a requirement to cease to attempt to patch ourselves and instead, present our brokenness and cry out "Well, here I am!" After which, having established a relationship with Jesus Christ, it is conceivable to say”Ah, here we are!" and push on towards the finish.

Insomnia

its now 0314...

I need to go to bed...

I will go to bed.



I think...

E-Harmony thinks I should find her...

Dennis's Compatibility Profile® Summary No person can be fully described or defined by a few short sentences. However, here are several of the most important characteristics revealed by your eHarmony Compatibility Profile that you should keep in mind as you search for your ideal mate: Some of your ideal mates strongest personality characteristics are: She has a very strong intellect which she enjoys exercising. She tends to be very interested in understanding why things happen. She tends to be caring, compassionate and sensitive towards the needs of others. She tends to like to get things done when they need doing, although she may sometimes procrastinate. Some important qualities that your ideal partner brings to the relationship are: She loves to share her experiences with others. It is easy for her to connect with people. Even when something bothers her she tends to be even-tempered. She enjoys telling or laughing at jokes sometimes. Important goals and values for your ideal mate in a relationship are: Her religious faith is a key part of who she is. It will be important that she incorporates faith and spirituality into her relationship. She has some strong, traditional views. Working to give something back into the community is important to her.

Social Orientation describes how much of your behavior is motivated by the desire to get along with and be liked by other people, as well as how much is driven by the desire to be seen as an effective problem solver who is self sufficient. People with a strong External Orientation place a high value on communicating their thoughts and feelings with other people. People with a strong Internal Orientation place a high value on individual effectiveness, competence and autonomy. The dimensions that we assess as part of your Social Orientation are Conflict Management, Character, Vitality and Security, Communication Style, Kindness and Autonomy. Based on your profile, you are most compatible with women who fit the following descriptions: Kindness: Your ideal mate wants to be there for you in good times and bad. She'll generally put your feelings first. Others see her as the kind of person who'd drop everything to help a friend sort out a problem or celebrate a success. She is thoughtful and considerate, and she will expect you to treat her the same way. Communication: Your ideal mate truly enjoys conversations. She talks easily with almost anyone and rarely runs out of things to say. She will be open in expressing her thoughts and observations about life and will want you to do the same. She's social, so she likes things like talking on the telephone or leisurely conversations over a cup of coffee. Some additional details about your ideal mate: Character: Your ideal mate is a woman who doesn't pretend to be perfect. She does, however, make a sincere effort to relate to other people. She's the type of person who's nice but who is by no means a saint. She will appreciate your ability to get along with others but won't expect you to always put the needs of others before your own. Autonomy: You will be best matched with someone who wants to know all of the important things about your past. She'll be equally interested in living in the present and planning a future. She won't need to know every detail about your life or every thought that crosses your mind. She's the kind of person who sees herself as part of a couple but still maintains her independence and identity. Vitality and Security: You need a woman who is honest and reliable. She has a good understanding of what it takes to make a relationship work over the long haul. She wants to build a relationship that will last but doesn't need you for constant support. Conflict Resolution: You'll be happiest with a woman who tries to avoid conflict altogether. When she does have a disagreement, she tries to keep the peace instead of adding fuel to the fire. Resolving the argument is generally more important to her than being right, but she will stand up for herself.

The Extraversion scale assesses how you feel when you are around people. Extroverts are generally comfortable at the center of attention. They rarely feel a need for "alone time" and are almost always eager to meet new people. Introverts, on the other hand, avoid the spotlight when they can, approach many social gatherings with hesitation, and relish time spent with good friends whom they know well. While most people exhibit a mix of Introvert and Extrovert qualities based on what kind of social situation they are in, people who are strongly Extroverted often place the largest value on having many friends and making new friends easily. In contrast, people who are strongly Introverted generally place the highest value on having a few very deep and meaningful friendships. The dimensions of your profile which are associated with Extraversion are Emotional Energy, Sociability, Adaptability, Humor, Romantic Passion and Dominance. Based on your profile, you are most compatible with women who fit the following descriptions: Romantic Passion: You will be happiest with a woman who appreciates romance but doesn't expect it every day. She's the kind of woman who may be affectionate in private but doesn't necessarily enjoy sappy sentiments or public displays of affection. She wants to have a connection with her partner, but that can happen during a quiet dinner for two or while doing something active like taking a walk. Humor: Your ideal mate can see the lighter side in most situations. She is generally able to find something funny in everyday situations, like uptight waiters or rebellious teenagers. She likes to be around people who make her laugh. Her friends see her as someone who has a good sense of humor but who can be serious when it's necessary. Some additional details about your ideal mate: Adaptability: Your ideal mate likes to find new ways to deal with old challenges. She can think up creative solutions to a problem but doesn't discount the tried-and-true answers. She's the kind of person who can never seem to do something the same way twice. She can accept new approaches to problems when the old solutions have stopped working. Emotional Energy: You'll be happiest with a woman who's outgoing and vivacious but doesn't need to always be on the move. She'd generally rather do something than talk about it, whether it's a new hobby or a project at work. Dominance: You are best suited to someone who doesn't take competition to extremes. She likes to win but doesn't need to do so at all costs. She is aggressive when the situation warrants it, such as when vying for a promotion or playing tennis in front of a crowd, but can accept a loss with grace. Sociability: You'll be happiest with a woman who likes to spend time with old friends and make new ones. She might not always be the first to strike up a conversation with a stranger, but she is rarely tongue-tied once the conversation is underway. At parties, she's the type of person who isn't afraid to venture outside her group of friends.

Openness refers to a person's willingness to experience new and creative ideas. People who score low on Openness tend to place a high value on tradition and belonging to a group. People who score high on Openness tend to place a high value on imagination and individualism. Extreme scores on Openness also often distinguish between people who enjoy thinking in symbols and abstractions to people who prefer ideas which are clear and concrete. The dimensions of your profile that we consider as part of Openness are Artistic Passion, Curiosity and Intellect. Based on your profile, you are most compatible with women who fit the following descriptions: Curiosity: You will be well matched with a woman who is eager to find out about the world. She likes new experiences and off-the-beaten-path adventures. Friends and family probably think of her as the kind of person who enjoys learning about anything and everything. She's interested in finding out about new people, places and things, whether it's through taking a trip, visiting a museum or watching a documentary. Intellect: Your ideal mate is creative, rational and quick-witted. She generally makes decisions by gathering the relevant data, putting it into context and weighing the options. Other people might see her as someone who "overthinks" life, but she thinks it's important to come to logically supported conclusions. She has a wide variety of interests, such as science, philosophy and history. Artistic Passion: You are best suited to the kind of woman who can appreciate others' creativity. She likes art galleries but probably doesn't get to them very often. She likes things like literature and fine art but probably spends her spare time on other pursuits. It's possible she would visit some of the world's top museums while on vacation but then neglect the ones in her hometown.

Physicality separates people who enjoy being physically energetic and active from those who are uncomfortable or dislike engaging in sports or strenuous activity. Some people push life to the limit, scaling mountains or competing in triathlons. People with a less demanding sense of Physicality enjoy looking at mountains more than climbing them. The dimensions of your profile which compose the most important aspects of your Physicality are Appearance, Physical Energy and Sexual Passion. Based on your profile, you are most compatible with women who fit the following descriptions: Physical Energy: You are best suited to someone who likes to stay active but doesn't overdo it. She likes to stay in shape, but it isn't always at the top of her list of things to do. Friends describe her as the kind of person who signs up for a gym membership but then has to remind herself to actually go. She's generally energetic, but if a day or two go by without a workout, she's not going to complain. Sexual Passion: You'll be most fulfilled by the kind of woman who believes sex is an important part of a great relationship, but not the only part. She is looking for physical chemistry with a man, the kind of spark that comes from genuine romantic attraction. However, she also appreciates that there is more to a "real relationship" than sex. Appearance: You are most compatible with a woman who wants to look good but doesn't obsess over it. She will appreciate the time and effort you put into your appearance and be happy with the end result. Ultimately, however, she is more concerned with who you are than what you look like.

Goal Orientation refers to the drive to plan for the future versus the urge to live in the moment. People who score low on Goal Orientation are generally spontaneous and free spirited. They are likely to act on their first impulse and worry about the consequences afterwards and place a high value on being clever and lucky. People who score high on Goal Orientation, on the other hand, are more driven to think about future consequences before acting, place a high value on being wise and cautious, and like to always put their best foot forward. The dimensions of your profile that relate to your Goal Orientation are Industry, Ambition, Organization and Education. Based on your profile, you are most compatible with women who fit the following descriptions: Ambition: You will be happiest with a woman who isn't satisfied with second best. She sets personal goals and works hard to achieve them. She is the kind of person who is always seeking and taking on new challenges to advance her career and personal life. She will also be able to understand your ambitions and help you pursue your goals. Industry: You are best suited to a woman who is hard-working yet still takes time out to relax. She is goal-oriented and enjoys accomplishing things, but she doesn't let it consume her. She likes to stay busy, but she isn't averse to a little fun once the work is done. Some additional details about your ideal mate: Education: Your ideal mate is a woman who wants her partner to be a person who is her intellectual equal. She's the kind of person who discusses the issues of the day, like politics, religion, science or the arts. She values learning and is accomplished academically. Organization: Your ideal mate is the type of person who keeps her home neat and clean, without being obsessive about it. She likes to be structured at home, and make sure everything has its place. But she won't look down on you if you kick off your shoes and don't straighten them at the door. She's good at creating a home that's comfortable and welcoming, the perfect place to relax.

While day-to-day events play a major role in our feelings, there are deep-seated patterns of emotion that underlie our personality and stretch across the span of our lives. These patterns are considered your Emotional Temperament. People who score high on Emotional Temperament are generally upbeat about life and are slow to get upset in the face of minor setbacks or disappointments. People who score low on Emotional Temperament are more likely to experience feelings such as anxiety, anger and depression on a regular basis. The dimensions of your profile that compose your Emotional Temperament are Mood Management, Self-Concept, Emotional Status, Anger Management and Obstreperousness. Based on your profile, you are most compatible with women who fit the following descriptions: Mood Management: You will be most compatible in the long run with someone whose moods are generally stable. Like most people, she may feel down sometimes, but she's not likely to sink into hopelessness or take her bad mood out on others. Self-Concept: Your ideal match is someone who is self-assured and well-adjusted. She's confident, so she rarely gets overly defensive. Other people see her as someone who knows her strengths but who doesn't turn a blind eye to her weaknesses. Some additional details about your ideal mate: Emotional Status: You are best suited to a woman who is generally happy and hopeful for the future. There are things in her life she'd like to improve, but she generally has faith that she'll attain her goals. She's not the type of person to overreact when she has a problem. Friends see her as someone who tries to focus on the positive. Obstreperousness: Your ideal mate is someone who isn't afraid to stand up for her opinions, but doesn't always feel the need to do so. You need someone who has beliefs and confidence strong enough to match your own. However, you will not do well with someone who needs to dominate every conversation and win every argument. You will do best with someone who knows when to speak her mind, and when to just go along with the people around her. Anger Management: You will be happiest with a woman who controls her temper. Generally speaking, she has a long fuse. When she does get mad, she doesn't take it out on others or blame them for her frustration.

Many significant ingredients, like upbringing, family goals and spirituality combine to form a person's values and beliefs. Whatever form they take, your values are one of the most powerful determinants of your behavior. Values also play a large role in who we feel comfortable being around and who we find attractive. Dissimilarity in values generally causes discomfort or awkwardness in social situations. Although close friends, family and loved ones can often have one or two stark contrasts in their values, this is made possible by a greater number of shared values, backgrounds and experiences that provide a framework of comfort and similarity. When building an intimate relationship, establishing shared values early on is key to long-term success. The dimensions that we consider as part of your Personal Values are Traditionalism, Spirituality, Family Goals and Altruism. Based on your profile, you are most compatible with women who fit the following descriptions: Traditionalism: You'll be happiest with a woman who worries about the values society promotes and therefore takes a cautious approach toward popular culture. She believes things like films, television or drama can be subtly subversive or immoral. Your ideal mate cares about moral values and tries to avoid art or entertainment that tears down family values. Spirituality: Your ideal mate's spiritual beliefs are the foundation of her character. She sets aside time for things like reading the scriptures, praying or seeking a higher guidance for her life. She wants to find a man who shares her beliefs. Some additional details about your ideal mate: Family Goals: Your ideal mate shares your desires to start a new family and experience the joys of parenthood. She loves kids and expects that they will play a central role in her life. Altruism: Your ideal mate is someone who cares about the needy. She believes society is dependent on everyone to solve problems, so she turns her convictions into action. Perhaps she volunteers at the local soup kitchen or organizes a recycling or clothing drive. She's known for her willingness to do whatever she can to assist others. Family Background: Your ideal mate has a good relationship with her family, but it's not perfect. They enjoy spending time together but do have occasional disagreements. She's understands that family dynamics can work even when they're not perfect.

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Random Quote Book...

So I have found my equivilant of Supermans weakness... Though in my case, instead of a green rock, its a small neighborhood bookstore with a really smart,cute girl who works there, right down the street from Starbucks AND Tully's. WHO KNEW MY WEAKNESS! Books, a crush and coffee all in one city block! Curses, foiled again!

And now for something completely different...

While browsing the kryptonian bookstore, I found the coolest book ever, well at least the coolest book that contains random literary quotes. Funny You Should Say That: Amusing remarks from Cicero to the Simpsons is a new fave, both hilarious and thought provoking. I think I shall be provoked to blog more frequently on some of them, if only for the laugh.

Example:

"The youth of the present day are quite monstrous. they have absolutely no respect for dyed hair." - Oscar Wilde Mr. Dumby in Lady Windermere's Fan, act 3 (1893)