I quit WOW... I was nominated for a guild officer-ship, which was an honor, but helped me to realize how much time I was spending in the game.
It was hard as I finally hit level 60 (The highest level) which is a requirement for all the end game content, viewed by many to be the best part of the game. Unfortunately it is also the most time consuming as quests and missions require 20-40 people to get together at one time to do them. This forces you into a certain schedule, up to 6 days a week 5 hours a day (Some professional guilds, yes, professional guilds raid 8 hours a day 5 days a week and between 12-14 hrs on weekends). This may or may not include time spent in game getting "consumables," items needed to put together potions or items that improve player performance in order to succeed in a particular mission or quest. I lay all this out to describe, in part a culture that has some participants, whose existence is greater in the game than it is in real life. This begs an interesting evangelistic question," How do you preach the Gospel to people so involved in a virtual reality?"
The religion in game is based on Light and Shadow, with demons and deities having a hierarchical relationship of superiority, traditionally determined by a cataclysmic showdown of force. There is no agape, no Christ in game. And while role playing is not a requirement, the constant saturation in pseudo-plot causes the mechanics and story to invade your consciousness. You may not "become" your character as you would in something much more insidious like Dungeons and Dragon's, but there remains an indelible imprint on some element of whatever you choose to call you, be it your soul or ego or consciousness.
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Quit WOW for a while...
Endless incredulousness
OK...
Is there something wrong with me that no one will tell me about, like some giant gorrilla that is sitting at the table during Thanksgiving dinner that no one talks about?
I mean, come on people! Why the heck can't I get a date? And I was asking her to the friggin' BALLET! It's the "Nutcracker!" Thats like uber-romantic, or so I am told...
Lemme fill in the source of my frustration... Last year about this time of year, a friend that I had been flirting with and talking to at work and I decide that we will actually take a go at an actual dating relationship. I am really jazzed and trying to be spontanious, thoughtful, and romantic, among other "prized" attributes, that I always hear that girls are supposed to be desiring. In hindsight, I may have gone over the top in that I bought her a black evening dress to go along for the evening (now I had checked with her peers, my female co-workers and various other female sources as to the wisdom of this idea).I was doing this all along the lines of thinking, "what girl doesn't like to get dressed up?" Another supposed girl thing, right?
What happens? Long story short, she stands me up a few hours before the actual event and I go by myself. Now don't get me wrong... I actually like the ballet, on top of that, I actually like getting dressed up. (I own three suits for exactly that, though I don't have many opportunities to use them). I had a great time, even though I was by myself.
Fast forward to this year, a few weeks ago. I decide to actually ask out a friend of mine from the Army, who is a Christian and goes to school near here. Same deal, I get the date set-up during a group outing to the Dead Sea Scrolls, but then when I ask her out for coffee she gives me the " I am really not in a place to be dating" line. Now, I don't really doubt her sincerity as she is capable of great introspection and may have found something that she really wants to work on before she engages in a dating relationship. Great... but, excepting that possibility, I am left with a horrible track record. I haven't "dated" in over 18 months, while being told that I am "going to make a great husband" and " I just haven't found the right one yet." Shallow solice for someone who has been through all the major venues of singles really available to me, church, school, internet, friends and networking, hell, I even tried the club scene while I was in Missouri. WTF am I supposed to be trying, the produce isle? (Artichoke hearts aside and country song's not withstanding)
Seriously, am I being deluded by society to think that women actually want a man who values communication, chivalry and virtue? That a guy who is quite comfortable watching and participating in dance, theatre and the arts while still being masculine enought to go pound down the hoops or toss the pigskin is appealing? How about one that knows how to cook and is willing to, opens the door for a lady, walks between a woman and traffic, offers his coat when she's cold? Damn, I live alone and I STILL put the seat down when I finish!
I admit freely that I am not Brad Pitt or McDreamy, but the fact that I listen to women and actually know who McDreamy is because I listen should get me some points, right? How about the fact that there is nothing that I would rather do than spend the rest of my life discovering the depths of a womans heart, with all its nooks and crannies, like the fact that she only likes Hershey's syrup on her ice cream when its raining, or that she has a special attachment to Troll figurines from her childhood, all the while knowing and discovering how the two of us reflect God's diametrical creation in each similarity and difference. I want to share my soul with someone and through that discover the intimacy that Christ seeks with his Bride, the Church.
I know the quips about "nice guy's finish last," but all I want to do right now is finish.
Is there something wrong with me that no one will tell me about, like some giant gorrilla that is sitting at the table during Thanksgiving dinner that no one talks about?
I mean, come on people! Why the heck can't I get a date? And I was asking her to the friggin' BALLET! It's the "Nutcracker!" Thats like uber-romantic, or so I am told...
Lemme fill in the source of my frustration... Last year about this time of year, a friend that I had been flirting with and talking to at work and I decide that we will actually take a go at an actual dating relationship. I am really jazzed and trying to be spontanious, thoughtful, and romantic, among other "prized" attributes, that I always hear that girls are supposed to be desiring. In hindsight, I may have gone over the top in that I bought her a black evening dress to go along for the evening (now I had checked with her peers, my female co-workers and various other female sources as to the wisdom of this idea).I was doing this all along the lines of thinking, "what girl doesn't like to get dressed up?" Another supposed girl thing, right?
What happens? Long story short, she stands me up a few hours before the actual event and I go by myself. Now don't get me wrong... I actually like the ballet, on top of that, I actually like getting dressed up. (I own three suits for exactly that, though I don't have many opportunities to use them). I had a great time, even though I was by myself.
Fast forward to this year, a few weeks ago. I decide to actually ask out a friend of mine from the Army, who is a Christian and goes to school near here. Same deal, I get the date set-up during a group outing to the Dead Sea Scrolls, but then when I ask her out for coffee she gives me the " I am really not in a place to be dating" line. Now, I don't really doubt her sincerity as she is capable of great introspection and may have found something that she really wants to work on before she engages in a dating relationship. Great... but, excepting that possibility, I am left with a horrible track record. I haven't "dated" in over 18 months, while being told that I am "going to make a great husband" and " I just haven't found the right one yet." Shallow solice for someone who has been through all the major venues of singles really available to me, church, school, internet, friends and networking, hell, I even tried the club scene while I was in Missouri. WTF am I supposed to be trying, the produce isle? (Artichoke hearts aside and country song's not withstanding)
Seriously, am I being deluded by society to think that women actually want a man who values communication, chivalry and virtue? That a guy who is quite comfortable watching and participating in dance, theatre and the arts while still being masculine enought to go pound down the hoops or toss the pigskin is appealing? How about one that knows how to cook and is willing to, opens the door for a lady, walks between a woman and traffic, offers his coat when she's cold? Damn, I live alone and I STILL put the seat down when I finish!
I admit freely that I am not Brad Pitt or McDreamy, but the fact that I listen to women and actually know who McDreamy is because I listen should get me some points, right? How about the fact that there is nothing that I would rather do than spend the rest of my life discovering the depths of a womans heart, with all its nooks and crannies, like the fact that she only likes Hershey's syrup on her ice cream when its raining, or that she has a special attachment to Troll figurines from her childhood, all the while knowing and discovering how the two of us reflect God's diametrical creation in each similarity and difference. I want to share my soul with someone and through that discover the intimacy that Christ seeks with his Bride, the Church.
I know the quips about "nice guy's finish last," but all I want to do right now is finish.
New Song...
So I have discovered a few things about myself lately... So fittingly I decided that I would put them on "myspace."
One of these discoveries came after a night of searching, my new song from Secondhand Serenade... Yeah its emo and kind of mushy, but considering I spent about 4 hours browsing various musical styles and artists to find something that vaguely communicates how how I feel last night, this will serve until I find something better.
I like the TV shows "Scrubs" and "Grey's Anatomy" (Damn you and your good taste Jess!) though I blessed by being too disorganized to watche them consistantly.
I rearranged my apartment and it actually seems like I have a floor. That and all the empty boxes from moving have been broken down. Now all I have to do is find my key to my basement storage and finish moving them out.
I like clean laundry and it really clears up floorspace, but you already knew that.
I don't know what denomination I am yet, but have got an impressive list of what I am not...
Satan is really good at sabatoging a rapid individual spiritual revival. Using a combination of new discoveries and old habits, the best intentions are quickly brought to ruin. "Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner"
I am only beginning to understand the last line of the preceeding statement and I mean beginning the way that I am beginning to recite Pi completely by starting with "3"...
One of these discoveries came after a night of searching, my new song from Secondhand Serenade... Yeah its emo and kind of mushy, but considering I spent about 4 hours browsing various musical styles and artists to find something that vaguely communicates how how I feel last night, this will serve until I find something better.
I like the TV shows "Scrubs" and "Grey's Anatomy" (Damn you and your good taste Jess!) though I blessed by being too disorganized to watche them consistantly.
I rearranged my apartment and it actually seems like I have a floor. That and all the empty boxes from moving have been broken down. Now all I have to do is find my key to my basement storage and finish moving them out.
I like clean laundry and it really clears up floorspace, but you already knew that.
I don't know what denomination I am yet, but have got an impressive list of what I am not...
Satan is really good at sabatoging a rapid individual spiritual revival. Using a combination of new discoveries and old habits, the best intentions are quickly brought to ruin. "Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner"
I am only beginning to understand the last line of the preceeding statement and I mean beginning the way that I am beginning to recite Pi completely by starting with "3"...
Monday, November 27, 2006
Back to the blog'o'sphere...
Hello world, its been a while...
I feel like I need to come back here and begin to share what is going on because of sunday's sermon. I need to embrace my community and push for intimacy and transparency. But as I was wondering what I should write about, I am totally at a loss. Sure I could write about something intellectual and highbrow, something funny and full of wit, or some keen observation about my experiences over the last bit of time.
The fact of the matter is that I am much more preoccupied with how I feel at the moment. So lonely, empty and cold. Half of me wants to curl up and never see the world again and the other half wants to call some girl I know to be fast and easy (the fact that I don't really know any, but yet have a depraved side that would know exactly where to go online and what to say to talking to them), trying to get into her pants, in a desperate attempt to feel truely connected to somone. The reality is, I would fail at either and am instead left in a semi-detatched limbo. I have spent so much time pouring out of myself (emphasis on the "self"), attempting to be there for people, do my job, and generally hold my life togather. I just don't have it in me and it hasn't really been God working through me, but me working under my own strength. So I drain myself for other people and develop a talent to remain visibly calm on the surface of a problem which sets me up to completely crash in private. I can sink back into myself and my single apartment, my computer games, internet and the psuedo-anonynimity they offer.
I feel like I need to come back here and begin to share what is going on because of sunday's sermon. I need to embrace my community and push for intimacy and transparency. But as I was wondering what I should write about, I am totally at a loss. Sure I could write about something intellectual and highbrow, something funny and full of wit, or some keen observation about my experiences over the last bit of time.
The fact of the matter is that I am much more preoccupied with how I feel at the moment. So lonely, empty and cold. Half of me wants to curl up and never see the world again and the other half wants to call some girl I know to be fast and easy (the fact that I don't really know any, but yet have a depraved side that would know exactly where to go online and what to say to talking to them), trying to get into her pants, in a desperate attempt to feel truely connected to somone. The reality is, I would fail at either and am instead left in a semi-detatched limbo. I have spent so much time pouring out of myself (emphasis on the "self"), attempting to be there for people, do my job, and generally hold my life togather. I just don't have it in me and it hasn't really been God working through me, but me working under my own strength. So I drain myself for other people and develop a talent to remain visibly calm on the surface of a problem which sets me up to completely crash in private. I can sink back into myself and my single apartment, my computer games, internet and the psuedo-anonynimity they offer.
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